Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
