Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
