WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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