sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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