You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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