He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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