dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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