Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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