She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
