what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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