i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
