it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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