I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
