i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
