dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
