I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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