Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
