Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
