Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
