i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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