i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
