i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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