Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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