we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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