she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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