Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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