hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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