Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
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I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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