alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
