I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
