I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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