In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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