margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
