I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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