I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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