you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
