I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize