They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
