So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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