had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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