So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
