Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
