Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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