i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
