Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
