HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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