My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize