Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
