I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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