all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
