My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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