just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
