i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
