The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
