low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
