Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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