I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
operation harelip BJ is a go
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
