FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
