They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
