I smell stomach acid.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
