On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
