My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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