I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
