He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
