spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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