i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
