i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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